The Adventures of the Sound Trio at Seven Eleven
by Gaara the hated
Summary: The adventures of the sound trio at Seven Eleven! Zaku is a kleptomaniac? The Uchiha family reunion? Sakura's secret? Lee has breast cancer? Why Neji wears a life jacket? Kiba gets high? Kisame's fear of sushi? The meaning of life? One shot, first fic


The Adventures of the Sound Trio at Seven-Eleven

Dosu, Zaku, and Kin were hanging out at their favorite place to hang out, which was the city dump. They were sure lucky that no one else decided to make it their place to hang out. Hmm I wonder why? Well anyway, Zaku was singing Holler back girl and Dosu was about to kill himself if he didn't stop.

"Goddamn it Zaku, shut the fuck up!" said Dosu. "I can't take this shit!"

"Geez, calm down Dosu, its not like I'm doing anything to endanger your health." said Zaku.

"Actually that was a perfect explanation of what you were doing." replied Dosu.

Kin just stood there doing nothing like she always does, unless its something about hair, then you can't get her to shut up.

"This is boring." stated Dosu.

"Hey do you guys want to go rob Seven-Eleven?" asked Zaku.

"Why would we rob a Seven-Eleven, when we have the ability to rob a bank and get rich?" asked Dosu.

"Because we're like 12 and would rather get free slurpees than billions of dollars." replied Zaku. "Damn you're stupid Dosu."

"…" said Dosu.

"How about we…" started Kin.

"Goddamn it Kin!" screamed Dosu. "Can't you shut the fuck up for more than a minute!"

"…" replied Kin.

"Ok the quest to rob Seven-Eleven begins…NOW!" shouted Zaku.

"You didn't need to shout." said Dosu.

"Shut up Dosu." Said Zaku.

So the journey to Seven-Eleven began. But since Seven-Eleven was like right there, it didn't take very long to get there.

"Wow! That was fast!" said Zaku.

"No shit! It was right there." Said Dosu.

"Fuck you Dosu!" said Zaku.

"Yeah, you would like that wouldn't you, you sick bastard." mumbled Dosu.

"What was that?" asked Zaku.

"Nothing." Said Dosu.

They reached the door when Zaku said "Stop."

"What is it?" asked Dosu.

"Dosu, you dumb fuck, you can't just go in, you have to have a kick ass entrance." Said Zaku.

"…" said Dosu

"Ok, let's do this." Said Zaku. He outstretched his arms facing the door. "ULTIMATE ZANKUHA!" screamed Zaku.

The door blasted open.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" screamed a clerk. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!"

"MY NAME IS…uh um hold on, uh…DOSU!" exclaimed Zaku.

"No, I'm Dosu." Said Dosu.

"Oh yeah, um then I uh, um, shit I practiced all night for this, um uh fuck…John? Edward? Uh ZAKU! MY NAME IS ZAKU!" screamed Zaku.

But by this point no one was listening to him and had gone on with their pathetic meaningless lives.

"Aww…fuck, a month of practice wasted." Said Zaku.

They continued into the store as they received glares from everyone.

"I'm going to check out what the commotion is about." Whispered Lee.

"Why are you whispering?" asked Neji.

Lee just glared at him as if he was the biggest dumb ass in the world.

Dosu, Zaku, and Kin were at the greeting card place. Yes, there was a greeting card place because this was a big ass Seven-Eleven. Zaku was looking through the birthday boy cards. He found one he liked and held it up.

"Check out this kick ass card." He exclaimed.

"Zaku, that's the gayest fucking card I have ever seen." Said Dosu. "I mean that card would even insult Orochimaru."

It was a pink frilly card with a picture of Michael Jackson holding his crotch saying lets get gay together.

"I mean what the fuck is wrong with you?" said Dosu.

"Shut the fuck up Dosu!" screamed Zaku. "At least I don't have a fucking rug on my back all the time!"

"Listen bitch, say that again and I'll keeeel you motherfucker!" said Dosu completely losing it. "Yeah, you see this fucking knife? Huh, huh, huh, you see this shit bitch? Yeah! Lick this shit! Lick it! Lick it!"

"Whoa calm the fuck down man." Said Zaku. "So, you guys ready to rob this place?"

"OH MY FUCKIN GOD!" screamed Lee. "YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO ROB THIS PLACE?"

"Goddamn it, shut the fuck up!" screamed Zaku.

"Sorry about that, I have breast cancer." Said Lee.

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Dosu.

Zaku rolled on the floor laughing. "Ha ha ha ha ha breast! Aha ha ha ha ha ha boobs! Ha ha ha ha ha the meaning of life!" laughed Zaku.

Neji walked over to see what was going on.

"What the fuck!" said Zaku. "Are you wearing a life jacket?"

"…" replied Neji.

"What? Are you afraid that you're going to drown on land?" asked Zaku.

"Take that back! Take that back!" screamed Neji, bursting into tears.

Lee took Neji back, trying to comfort him.

"And…and I didn't even get to say my 10 hour speech about how evil the main house is." Sobbed Neji.

"There, there." Said Lee. "Everything will be alright."

"Really?" asked Neji.

"No, because you're a loser and no one loves you." Screamed Lee.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" screamed Neji, running away through his tears.

Naruto's team walked over to the sound trio.

"What's so funny?" asked Naruto.

"The meaning of life." Replied Zaku.

"Oh, uh aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." Laughed Naruto.

"You don't even find that funny, do you?" asked Sasuke.

"Shhhhh! Shut up Sasuke!" replied Naruto.

Just then a van smashed into the building and landed right next to the genins. The door opened and out came everyone's favorite child molester, the one, the only, Orochimaru!"

"H-H-Hey guys, want some candy?" said Orochimaru who was obviously high. "It's in the van, come on in."

"Oh yeah candy!" said Naruto. "I'm in!"

"You're going to have to try a lot harder than that if you want to kidnap and rape me." Said Sasuke. "What kind of candy?"

"Uh, you know, the good shit, the good shit." said Orochimaru.

"Works for me." Said Sasuke.

"I'm coming too since I have no will of my own and I have to do whatever Sasuke does considering that I'm totally useless and pathetic until after the time break when I miracously become super strong in like 2 years, even though my hair didn't grow at all during that whole time, which doesn't make sense at all." Said Sakura.

"Did you say something?" asked Sasuke.

"No, it was nothing." Replied Sakura.

Just then the Akatsuki walked in.

"Guys, you have to try this thing out, it's amazing, I think it's called tampons, yeah." Said Deidara.

"Deidara, those are for women." Said Itachi.

"Don't be silly Itachi, how would you know if you didn't even try them, yeah?" said Deidara.

"Trust me, I _know_." Said Itachi.

"That reminds me, I need more clay, I'm running out, yeah." Said Deidara.

"Will Play-Doh do?" asked Sasori.

"Yeah, that's good, yeah." Said Deidara

"Guys, I'm getting hungry." Said Zetsu.

"What the fuck Zetsu, you just ate like 10 guys before we got here!" said Kisame.

"I know, but my dark side is still hungry." Replied Zetsu.

"Isn't that right?" asked the light Zetsu.

"Yeah." Replied the dark Zetsu.

"Cut that out!" said Itachi. "Someone might see you."

"Yeah, they would think that you're a freak, even though half of you is dark and the other half is light and you have a huge ass Venus Flytrap coming out of your cloak, yeah." Said Deidara.

"Shhhhh, no one knows." Said Zetsu.

"So Kisame, want some sushi?" snickered Itachi.

"Cut that shit out, Itachi." Said Kisame. "You know how I am when it comes to sushi, I mean my entire family was made into that shit."

"Yeah, yeah, don't have a breakdown, my entire family died too, except for my little brother." Said Itachi.

"Yeah, but that's because you killed them." Replied Kisame.

"Oh yeah." Said Itachi.

"ITACHI!" screamed Sasuke.

"Oh hey little brother." replied Itachi. "What's up?"

"Don't hey little brother me, do you know how long I've waited for this?" asked Sasuke.

"Ummm…2 days after the last time you challenged me and got your ass kicked?" replied Itachi.

"Exactly! But this time you're going down!" said Sasuke.

"What makes you think this time will be any different from all the other times that I kicked your ass?" asked Itachi.

"I don't know, but I can FEEL it!" said Sasuke.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Replied Itachi.

"Ha ha ha ha, ohhhhh you got OWNED Sasuke!" laughed Naruto.

"Shut the fuck up, Naruto!" said Sasuke, "Stay out of this!"

"Ok, but don't come crying to me when you get your ass handed to you like all those other times." Said Naruto. "Ahhh, good times, good times."

"Tell me about it, I have it all on tape." Said Itachi.

"WHAT? YOU BASTARD!" screamed Sasuke.

"Relax, I'll give you a cut of the profits, it seems a lot of people enjoy watching you get your ass kicked over and over and over again." Said Itachi.

"WHAT! LIKE WHO?" screamed Sasuke.

"Oh you know Kakashi, Naruto…everyone." Said Itachi.

"EVERYONE?" exclaimed Sasuke.

"Yeah, I heard they're even making a movie about it!" said Itachi.

"Wow! Really? I gotta see that!" exclaimed Naruto.

"YES THE SPIRIT OF YOUTH IS IN ALL OF YOU!" screamed Gai, who came out of nowhere.

"What the fuck?" said Zaku. Yes, he's still there.

Meanwhile at a different part of the store where the sand sibs are.

"Did you hear that?" asked Kankuro. "I gotta see that movie!"

Gaara didn't hear because he was too busy killing the guy who gives out free samples.

"What the fuck do you mean, only one per person!" screamed Gaara. "I'll kill you!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the free sample guy, who pissed in his pants.

"Sigh, again Gaara?" asked Temari.

"Eh, someone's gotta do it." Replied Gaara, Desert Coffining the guy's ass. The guy screamed like a little bitch which caused Gaara to laugh. "Man, what a great way to spend the weekend."

"You mean like how you do this everyday?" asked Temari.

"Shut up!" said Gaara. He eventually got tired of this and just killed the guy. "Hey! Let's go kick the shit out of the janitor guy!" he said excitedly, running toward him. His two older siblings sighed and followed him.

Meanwhile where Kiba's team is. Kiba was sniffing marijuana and since he had a very powerful nose, it was quite the experience for him.

"Heh heh heh, Hey Hinata! You're fucking HOT today!" he exclaimed, slapping her ass.

"Kiba!" Hinata cried.

Shino was going around trying to hit on some hot girls, but they were kinda freaked out by the millions of bugs that he had on him, so he had pretty shitty luck.

Ino's team got kicked out of the store since Chouji went on a rampage, eating everything in sight, Shikamaru stood at the same spot in line for like an hour not moving at all, since it was troublesome, and Ino just wouldn't shut up.

Anyway back to the sound trio. Zaku was going around putting everything he saw into his pockets while shifting his eyes suspiciously every 5 seconds.

"Sigh, could you at least make it not look so obvious?" said Dosu.

"Sigh, guys I have to tell you something, its not going to be easy, but the truth is that I'm, I'm a…kleptomaniac!" said Zaku.

"Gasp! I never would have guessed." Said Dosu sarcastically.

"I know its shocking!" said Zaku. "Who would have guessed that mild mannered Zaku would turn out to be an out of control kleptomaniac ."

"Mild mannered?" said Dosu. "What the fuck?"

"I know its hard for you to accept my friend, but I'm afraid that its true, you're just going to have to learn to live with it." Said Zaku dramatically.

"Yeah, whatever." Said Dosu.

Back to Naruto's team.

"The jig is up!" said Sakura in a very manly voice.

"What the fuck?" said Sasuke.

Sakura pulled off her face revealing it to be a mask. "I'm really John Smith, agent of the C.I.A.!"

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!" screamed Sasuke.

"The one known as "Sakura" never existed, its been me the whole time!" said John, doing the quotation mark sign with his fingers.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I've been in love with a man!" screamed Naruto.

"Son, there is nothing wrong with being gay." Said John.

"I'M NOT GAY!" screamed Naruto.

"Yeah, of course you aren't." said John sarcastically.

"I'M NOT!" argued Naruto.

"Wait, if you've been a guy this whole time, why were you chasing me all the time claiming that you loved me?" asked Sasuke.

"That's classified." Replied John.

"Sure it is." Said Sasuke.

"He knows too much! Get him!" shouted John into a walkie talkie.

The SWAT team marched into the store and started dragging Sasuke out.

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing!" screamed Sasuke. "Itachi! Help me!"

"Oh my god! Sasuke! I'll save you!" exclaimed Itachi.

"Itachi, they're having a sale on Slim Jims." Said Kisame.

What? Really? Ummm sorry little brother, but you'll be fine!" said Itachi, running to the Slim Jims.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! ITACHI COME BACK!" screamed Sasuke as he was dragged out of the store and thrown into a van that said "This is NOT a SWAT team van.

"So, um this is kinda awkward." Said John to Naruto. Naruto just kinda stood there with his mouth open like an idiot. "Oh my god!" exclaimed John, when he saw Gaara. "You're Gaara! The most infamous serial killer in the world!"

"Yeah and your point is?" asked Gaara.

"Can I have your autograph?" asked John.

"Sure, anything for a fan." Said Gaara.

"Really?" asked John.

"No!" answered Gaara, killing him.

"Oh great! What's the score now? A million and one?" asked Temari.

"Make that a million and two." Replied Gaara, who just killed some random guy who was staring at him.

"Oh yeah, that was worth the death penalty." Said Kankuro sarcastically.

"Shut up!" snapped Gaara. "He looked at me the wrong way."

Deidara decided to try out his new Play-Doh by doing that thing where he nukes the entire town, except he did it to only Seven-Eleven. The whole store blew up and everyone died! Just kidding, but no really. Chouji, even though he wasn't in Seven-Eleven he died from…oh lets say AIDS. Yeah, that's good.

THE END!

Now go cry!


End file.
